Gin. Knitting. Monkeys. What more could you ask for?!

31 May 2006

Okay, I'm back.

I took a little vacay, in case you didn't notice. I was suffering from a serious bout of the pre-summer blahs, and didn't feel much like blogging. Or socializing. Or doing much more than what was absolutely necessary. But I spent the day last Saturday, just sitting and knitting at my favorite yarn store, and it was just the kick in the pants I needed. Maybe not enough to make this a daily blog, but at least something more frequent than once every 2 1/2 weeks.

So, while at Stitches, in addition to the excellent company of proprietor Brandi and my BFF@W, Jac, I had the certain fortune of meeting Anna, a very creative and inspirational character. She is a HOOT. She is how I'd like to be in a couple of years. Despite all the good and bad experiences she has lived through, she remains positive, enthusiastic, energetic, artistic and just a blast to be around. She taught me the "twisted German cast on", which I love not only for its usefulness (it's a stretchy version of the long-tail cast on), but for its inherently amusing name. Plus, she regaled us with stories about the tours she's taken, the people she's met and the class she may (or may not) teach. I'll tell you this much - if she's teachin', I'm so there.

The reason I happened to be at Stitches is because the wee MonkeyGurrl is in the final week before Oliver Performance Week at school. Dude. This was just a once-a-week after-school musical theater class that began in September. Martha, the after-school program director, is amazing with kids, but I'm beginning to think she thrives on self-induced stress. They have FOUR 2-hour performances. TWO of which are before a paying audience! Remember - Wee MonkeyGurrl is in elementary school; it's not like we're going to see a production at Hollywood High. And this was the second Saturday rehearsal for them - 10 a.m. until 3 p.m.!!! She's a frickin slave driver!!! Anyway, since I knew Jac would be at Stitches, I figured it would be easier (?) to stay on the west side than to take WMG to school, go back home, go back to pick her up, etc. And with gas prices versus yarn prices being what they are, the choice was pretty much made for me. When I returned to pick the wee MonkeyGurrl up, they were rehearsing their curtain calls, so I guess that bodes well. This week, the WMG is in rehearsal more than in regular class, so she's a happy camper. Since I crafted most of her costume, I hope to have updates and pictures soon.

Speaking of crafting, generally, we had a silent auction of "white elephant" items here at FatCatLawFirm. The $$ raised go to gift boxes/bags for an "adopted" troop in the middle east. People donate stuff they have but don't use, or stuff they think will fetch a good price (box tickets to a clippers game, or a round of golf at some fancy-schmancy golf course, for example). Inspired by Lady Linoleum and Kimberly Chapman, in addition to my own recent enchantment with all creatures knitted or crocheted (see amigurumi), I decided to make a couple of "snuggle buddies" over the weekend - fast, cheap, fun. I used oddball homespun (!) and made really wonky features. (of course, I neglected to take pix b/c the universe conspired against me.) Can you believe - they were in a bidding war!! The final, winning bid – $35!!! Too funny.

I'm also excited b/c my boss (who, with his wife) does some excellent woodworking, donated "a small lamp, table or cabinet". His whole house is furnished with the stuff he does. There was a slight bidding war with one of the senior partners, but at the last second (literally), I swooped in and made the last bid. Yay me. $150 for a hand made (and way better than anything you'd get at a crate & barrel) piece of furniture *made by MY boss* is not to high a price to pay! Subsequently, he informed me that the next class (they make their pieces at a local HS shop class) doesn't start until September. I think it may be his way of making sure I stick around at least until then.

So that's pretty much it for the update. (Unless you really do want to hear about the irony of my ex-beau (and best friend) putting a bid on a $1.25M house, while I had to bail out the Jman who's car was impounded because of UNPAID PARKING TICKETS.) Hopefully, next time, I'll have pictures. . .

17 May 2006

MD06 - Update

So, I got a call from my egg donor on Muthaz Day. She said she really liked the wrap and will use it when they get thier house in SF. She sounded less than convincing, but. . . Eh. Whatever.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, what did *I* get for MD?! Oh, HOH! I got the pirate's bounty of treasures. First, I got to sleep in until 2pm. Yummy. Then, I had freshly made (okay, out of a box) pancakes (there was fruit, too, but they were. . . past their prime). Then, I got a loverly piece of artwork by the MonkeyGurrl, with "coupons" - one good for a day full of kisses, one for a day full of hugs, etc. Cute.

Afterward, I took the MG to get her hair did. It was a bit traumatic. At the first place we went, the person "assisting" us was rude, obnoxious and went outside TWICE to answer her cell phone, so we left and I had to explain to the MG why we had to leave. She was upset, but quickly recovered when she got a HelloKitty purse and sunglasses (I'm such a soft touch!), and a new pair of sneaks (that she really needed).

We went to another place and the the woman was totally sweet and nice and indulgent.

I was just cracking up because the MG looked so tiny and skeered.

But she finally got the bangs she's been bugging me for. A true diva, no doubt.

But, as we all know, beauty comes with a price:

And then she saw Akeelah and the Bee with the Jman (migraine prevented me from attending). Excellent movie. Highly recommended.

All in all, it was a pretty good day - that concluded with Housewives, Grey's Anatomy and my own, personal SWEET POTATO PIE with copious amounts of whipped cream.

16 May 2006

A *POX* On All Y'all

with your tenuous reasoning and fragile excuses. I'm going to the show. And when Daniel gets his show at the Viper Room and I meet Johnny Depp, who will instantaneously fall in lust with me and leave his (common-law) wife and family and we go traipsing about exotic locales, partaking in the most hedonistic of pleasures, I will post pictures on this blog and faht in your general direction and then you'll be sorry you didn't come with me.

Oh yes. You will.

12 May 2006

Tuesday, March 16 - Support Your Local Music Scene!!!

Okay. Because there is no way in heck I can make it to the Hot Mama Ink launch party, I've committed to support the local music scene here in LA. I seldom get a chance to just go out and have fun, so I'm really looking forward to this.

Daniel Davis, a fellow cube-slave and friend, is a singer/songwriter in his real life. His sound has been described as "bluesy rock", sort of a Ben Harper/Dave Matthews/Jack Johnson vibe.

He did a showcase two weeks ago at The Joint, and Management was impressed. So they gave him another show - this TUESDAY, MAY 16. Because most of his friends are cube-slaves, he finagled the 8pm slot. If he has a good turnout, he gets a show at the Viper Room (which, as everyone knows, is owned(?) by Johnny Depp, who, as everyone also knows, is my greatest love. See the connection?!)

I spoke with a few friends (Lady L, Miss K, Briana) who I thought would be interested, but I know there are more (Darcy, Ellen, Faith, Lauri Ann, Sachi, and *most especially the-only-one-that-really-loves-me*-but-hasn't-been-to-SnB-for-two-weeks-so-she-can-understand-why-I-*might*-have-forgotten-to-add-her-name, UCCELLINA, etc.) that I would like to see there.

If you do go, please tell them at the door that you are there to see Bo (his son's name) Davis. I'm definitely going to be there. Hey, there's alcohol and music. I may even try to sneak in my knitting.

11 May 2006


I firmly believe that. They have something against bald men. Personally, I *love* bald men. Some more than others. But did ya notice? That little troll Elliot grew his hair out, and he's still on. Taylor Hicks, although gray, has hair growing out of his freakin' forhead (I still love you, tho, Taylor). Miss Stick-So-Far-Up-My-Butt-I-Can't-Sit-Down has lovely hair. The only feasible reason my love, my joy, Chris, got "voted" off is because AI has something against the follicly-challenged. Because he was undeniably the BEST one on the show Tuesday nite.

Or, and this could just be the left-wing-conspiracy-theorist in me, like every year, the producers think they'd get more ratings by axing the favorite. I remember them doing that with Clay. Yes, I was one of those women that *loved* Clay, albeit in a different way than I love Chris.

Hmmm. Maybe they have something against people who's name begins with the letter "C".

The Jman tried to console me with the observation that Chris undoubtly has a brilliant career ahead of him. I agree, but I don't care. I wanted him to win. Thus, I am heretofore boycotting AI. Oh, they shall feel the wrath of the monkey. Yes, they will.

Of course, it didn't help that while this travesty was taking place, my other t.v. love,
was seriously being disillusioned on Lost. I'm seeing a pattern here. . .

10 May 2006

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllpppp Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

So, my old cell mate here at the FatCatLawFirm is gone. She decided for all the stress and strife, she should get paid more. So she found a great job at SomeOther FatCatLawFirm and didn't even look back.

Which looks bad for me, because she was about the 5th cellmate I've had in the 7 years I've been here. I swear, it's NOT ME.

Anyway, Ol' CellMate was great - we were like sisters. I could tell her when she annoyed me, or vice versa, and it would be okay. She tried to keep the noise level down because she knew I was sensitive to it. She would help me out in a pinch. She was mostly positive, energetic and FUNNY. Considering we have the tiniest cellblock in the office (seriously; our cellblock is shortened by about 3 feet in depth and about 9 feet in length b/c the copy center was located directly behind the wall and that makes a HUGE difference in working conditions), we got along really well.

Since Ol' CellMate left, there have been some temps (some good, some bad), or sometimes FCLF just expects the work to be subsumed . . . by the Law Firm Gods? I dunno. But today, I got the particular pleasure of being joined by THE TEMP FROM HELL. Seriously. Mah gurl is large. I mean GINORMOUS. YOOOOOOOOGE!!!!! But that isn't the annoying part. She called maintenance and had them unscrew the lights above her - says they're too BRIGHT. DUDE. The office is a standard ghastly grey to begin with. And we don't have a lot of windows. She is fidgety, and every time she adjusts, her chair screams in agony. She has knocked off the the monitor cover THREE TIMES already. She's a banger. Bangs the drawers, bangs the foot rest, bangs anything within reach. She's a constant cell phone talker. Hello, is that business related?! She even TYPES loudly. And to make matters even worse, she's snarfin on the cornnuts. By the FRICKING HANDFUL. So not only does my little corner of the world REEK to high heaven, I'm being bombarded with the CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH that only cornnuts provide. AND, since she obviously doesn't know the purpose of headphones or handsets, she is *repeatedly* listening to a phone message, trying to transcribe it. I feel like I'm being punk'd.

Somebody help me, please.

On a more positive note, anyone catch Idol last nite? My menz, Taylor and Chris, ROCKED. Seriously. I thought they did an amazing job with The King's material. The Jman asked whether he might get lucky if he got a "big scream" t.v. and ran Chris's performance in a continuous loop. I said it was worth a try.

"A little more action" indeed.

And is it just me, or does Michael in the current promo for Lost bear more than a passing resemblance to Judas in the all-time-greatest-movie, Jesus Christ, Superstar (which is even more relevant now than when it first came out.)

Judas, a/k/a the late, phenomenally great Carl Anderson.

Michael, as played by Harold Perrineau.

Hmmm. Maybe its just me.

09 May 2006

Hot Mama Ink on TV!

Check it out: here. Scroll about 1/2 way down the page to "Recent Guests" section. Click on Hot Mama Ink. :) I'm so proud I could just plotz!

08 May 2006

Muthaz Day 06

Well, got the MD06 gift completed. Of course, she'll hate it. She hates everything (and everyone). But at least I've completed MY end of the bargain.

It was based on a FREE PATTERN on Patons website. I added a ruffle on the bottom (the original just kind of. . . stopped) and did i-cord (rather than a crochet chain) for the drawstring. I also omitted the gratuitous fuzzy yarn, since I don't like it, and neither does my egg donor.

Whatever. She can wear it in the evenings. Or, more likely, not at all.

Here it is, as modeled by the finally-defanged monkeychild.

I think I got the better (and cheaper!) model.

For *MY* mothers' day gift, I got a weekend filled with the wee MonkeyGurrl telling me how I basically fail her in all meaningful areas. Plus, I make her do all the work (4 things over two days! Oh, the horror!!!) Still, the first thing she did this morning when she woke up is check under her pillow, to see if the Tooth Fairy paid a visit. Surprisingly, she did.

Boy, that kid has some kind of luck.

05 May 2006

Sink O Day My Oh!

I got nuttin.

A few notes: Darcy brought cupcakes to SnB last nite. WITH sprinkles. They were YUMMY!!!

Satchi got a very cool new camera for her birdday. Go check out the photos.

Uhm. . . Kendra has gyna issues.

I've had a twitch under my left eye for 2 weeks. I'm beginning to resemble (ever more strongly) that crazy old cat lady that used to live next door to us when I was young. Pretty soon I'm gonna have to start knitting toilet tissue cozies and screaming at kids to stay off my non-existent lawn.

OH, and something interesting - Due to a very insightful (yet lighthearted) discussion at SnB last nite, and an in-depth article in this month's Vanity Fair about global warming, plus the fact that gas is ridiculously expensive, I am going to try to start taking THE BUS to work, 3 (or more?) days a week. I'm not big on public transportation personally (although I do commend others that use it), so this is a big step for me. I figure, between the additional knitting time and the fact that I will be *on* the bus instead of avoiding getting hit by one, it should be a good thing.

I'll keep ya posted.

03 May 2006

A-MEN, Mah Brutha

I have *SO* got to get this as a bumper sticker:

Of course, if I do, I will probably get into more trouble that I already experience when driving. NONE of it my fault, of course.

As I noted in the comments of Faith's blog entry for today, I have a knack of picking up Trouble. I don't go looking for it, but LA is a town where Trouble finds you. And it's not from who you think it is/should be; it's always the ones that have too much and feel too entitled to more. Honest fact: I go shopping at the Wal-Mart on Crenshaw all the time. I have *never* {knock on wood} had any sort of incident there. But Westside? WeHo? Beverlywood? DANG. Those folks either think I don't belong there, or I have the proverbial sign on my forehead.

In addition to being physically attacked TWICE at the 76 station on Pico and Doheny (both times by exactly the sort of person Faith describes - female, young, attractive, underweight), I've been in countless squabbles and pissing contests with drivers that: (1) don't believe there is traffic back up on Pico; (b) believe that because I drive a truck I am a greviously slow driver; or (iii) are just plain idiots. I'm guessing mostly(iii).

Just this morning, on my way to work *with plenty of time*, I decided to stop at the bank ATM. Some idiot in a new Cadillac SUV was barrelling down the alley behind the bank, driving on the LEFT side of the alley, hoping to make a left turn. However, I had already begun my turn left into the alley. Since I was on the RIGHT side, and he was blocking the alley, I stopped to allow him to adjust his position.

That was my mistake.

Apparently, when a middle class older white male is driving, one should yield to him at any cost, even if it entails BACKING BACK INTO THE STREET, and regardless of whether he is in the wrong.

How do I know this? Because his middle class white female in the passenger seat was SCREACHING at me to move my "f--king" car. Dude. I said, "This is a 2-way street. you are over the line." OH MY GAWD. The torrents were unleashed. The hysterical peroxide blonde went ballistic. The clearly castrated driver tried to (frighten? threaten?) me by inching toward my truck. [uhm, hello? have you seen my truck? do you think i'm gonna care if you plow into me?!?!]

I summoned the most disdain I could imagine, and looked at the woman. "You are old, ugly and you have an annoying voice. You really should work on that." (My apologies to all other old and ugly people. That was just my anger speaking.) Then I just rolled up my window and waited.

Despite the shocked look on her face and the look that made me think he really wanted to laugh, the Ball-less Wonder yelled at me, "You F**KED up, lady! You really F**KEd up!"

NICE LANGUAGE, folks! Real classy!!!

Then, no doubt because of the hurry that caused them to drive like a complete idiot in the first place, he pulled around (over to the RIGHT side) and took off. I went about my business.

Moral of the story: Don't mess with people that resemble my parents. It'll just mess up your whole day.

02 May 2006


Hot Mama Ink

If anyone's gonna be in or around San Diego, or if you're interested in a mid-week road trip, lemme know!! Looks like it could be a great time!

{Side note to Uccellina and all others interested: NO. That snaggletooth does not want to come out!!! Hmmm. Kinda reminds me of the wee monkeygurl's birth. . . }