Gin. Knitting. Monkeys. What more could you ask for?!

29 November 2005

It takes a certain kind of crazy

So. Wish I had pictures. They always seem to make blogs more interesting. Or at least, I'd have proof. But it's probably just as well.

Remember how I decided I would make a sweater for Baby O's birthday? That I started on the Tuesday nite, before the big Turkey Day weekend, which is the weekend of her first birthday? Okay, that was crazy. What I did was knit like a lunatic Wednesday and Thursday nites, and by Friday, all I had left to knit were a sleeve and a half. I was really starting to think it was going to be do-able, b/c the finishing is real simple. [want a great pattern? go get "Haiku" off of]

All I had to do was have dinner with Dog Rescuer and Southern Boy (Baby O's parents), then knit like crazy, but it was DO ABLE.

Then the hammer hit. The other shoe fell. Whatever euphemism you want to use, but the bottom line is . . . the elixir of satan, WODKA. Oh, and it was mandarin wodka mixed with

Sparkling friggin clementine.

I have no idea what "clementine" is (other than a relative of the orange and the object of some dude's affections), but with WODka, it sho' is good!! Beyond good. nectar of the gods. Rival to MommaJuice. Oy.

So, by the time we got back "home", I was rarin' to go. Ready to take on the world. But (perenially idiotic me), I measured the completed part of the sweater (both front panels and the back). One question - WHY?!?!?! I never bothered with that nonsense before?!?!!. Naturally, my gauge was off, by about 1 stitch/inch. Which means about 3 inches extra length, since I was using chunky yarn. Which led to me FROGGING THE ENTIRE THING, THINKING I COULD REDO IT THAT NITE!!! Oh, sure, I could have used the bigger size for my own monkeygurl (who has been BUGGING me to make something for her), and sure, there was another yarn I wanted to use *anyway* b/c the lighter color would go better with Baby O's beautiful eyes, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I had to RIPPIT. The whole ding-danged thing. All those hours of work frogged in about 15 minutes. And then I started again. At 2:00 in the a.m.

NOTE TO SELF: Do not make major decisions, knitting or otherwise, at 2:00 in the a.m., especially after WODKA and Izze.

I got a whole sleeve done by the time of the party.

Good thing these are great friends and were very happy just to have us share this momentous occasion.


Purl ( is collecting small toys to ship to Afghanistan. She has a friend who takes photos of the country and meets lots of wee bairns. He looks like a nice enough guy

so I doubt he'll be keeping all the previously-loved beanie babies for himself, but you never can tell these days. . .

ANYWAY, since a fellow Slave to the Firm has already given me a BAG of goodies to give to Purl, I'm using it as my compelling reason to finally go to the WeHo SnB on Thursday. But - SHHHHH!!! Don't tell them - I want to be able to turn tail and run if (when?) I lose my nerve!

23 November 2005


I'm so fricking nuts. I decided to frog the sweater I was "finishing" for Baby O's birfday because I didn't like the way it was looking. To be honest, I had knit the pieces way back when I was first learnin' to read patterns and all (it was originally meant for *my* monkey gurl!), and I was finally putting the pieces together. But I didn't have the fine appreciation for that phenomenon I now know as "gauge". Urgh. So I decided to throw some new string on the sticks and give her something eggspecially for HER.

That was this morning.

Friday nite, we're spending quiet time with her and her family. (okay, it's not like she's gonna know if I'm knitting something for her, but STILL.)

The party is Saturday.

Exactly WHEN was I expecting to finish this sweater?!

22 November 2005


Baby O is my most favoritest baby monkey gurl right now. She is incredibly cute and smart and funny, but most of all, a great model!!! Her mom was kind enough to send me some recent pix. Here she is, demonstrating how much she just *loves* the sweater and hat I made when she was just a bun in the oven. Sure, it's on upside down and backwards, but how cute is she?!?!?!

My leetle Hassidic baby.

And here she is, demonstrating how an ELEVEN MONTH old looks in a sweater knit for a one year old

My gurl is HEALTHY. She beats up on her equally ginormous 3.5 y/o brother. She was considerate enough to come early, so her birthday is this Saturday. I can't wait!!!

18 November 2005

This Is Me

Or this. . .

Or on a really good day, this

But it all ends up the same.

I'm not good enough to be a monkey's mama. I'm a chicken gurl. :(

There is a knitting group with which I've become acquainted - the West Hollywood Stitch n Bitch. I feel I know a couple of them intimately, like (, or ( But bottom line, I'm a big chicken when it comes to meeting them in person. Last night, I was *THIS CLOSE* to actually attending the group, where they sit around, drink, talk, eat and knit (sounds *perfect* for me, doesn't it?!). But on the drive over from work, I CHICKENED out. Back and forth, I tried (I really did!) to convince myself I should go. Jman said I should really go, and I really wanted to go, but I was scared. Scared I wouldn't fit in. Scared they won't like me, or worse, not even notice I was there. See, I'm not young and pretty and edgey, like Ms. Kendra. I'm not Southern and literate and humorous like Aunt Purl. I'm just a loner who doesn't play well with others.

I blame it on my upbringing (naturally). Being a military brat, I was always the new kid, always leaving people behind, had a preternatural ability to just let people go without even looking back. Served me well back then. It wasn't until college that I made my first *real* friend, and even now, my friends are few and far between. But I feel there is a little socialite buried deep within me, a bouyant blond cheerleader that wants to do coffee and lunch and pilates with people she's just met.

Maybe some day. Hopefully soon, because I'm really tired of being this

When I really want to be this

17 November 2005

Ms. K's gotta Pickles

Is it just me, or does this

look suspiciously like this??!?!?!

I'm thinking, since I'm the responsible doggie parent type and got Jaggers "fixed", someone *STOLE* her eggs (or dna or other such CSI-y thing) and tried to clone the Jagermeister. I can't say I blame you, but when you decided on a BOY you got a far inferior product (a parallel we find often in such things), which could explain the wee pee problema.

16 November 2005

I Heart Quizilla

But I didn't know "French" was an obsolete skill. . .

France Modern (trois fleurs-de-lis)
You are 'French'. In the nineteenth century, it
was the international language of diplomacy.
It is a 'beautiful' language, meaning that it
is really just a low-fidelity copy of Latin.

You know the importance of communicating
'diplomatically', which for you means both
being polite and friendly when necessary and
using sophisticated, vicious sarcasm when
appropriate. {{Can I help it if sarcasm is most often appropriate?!}} Your life is guided by either
existentialism or nihilism, depending on the
weather {{Or time, or gravitational pull of the moon, or any one of a myriad influences. Some people call that being bi-polar...}}. You have a certain appreciation for
the finer things in life, which is a diplomatic
way of saying that you are a disgusting
hedonist {{Guilty, especially as it applies to stash yarn}}. Your problem is that French has been
obsolete for a long time {{And that is a problem, how?}}

What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

14 November 2005


Saw the *greatest* movie if you feel like ripping your heart out and skewering your eyeballs with those Addi O's. I'd wanted to see it for a long time, and the stars were in perfect alignment (along with 2 weeks' worth of laundry) yesterday. It is a heart-wrenching story, but it never gives in to self-indulgence. I'm no cinema afficianado, so I can't even pretend to know all the proper terminology with respect to movies, but I know what I like. And I likee this.

Just don't expect any Monsoon Wedding.

And now for some actual knitting

So, I've been diligently working on my [unnamed object] for [unnamed person], but I don't know if it's the size of the needles (ONES!! They're like friggin toothpicks!!), or the nature of the yarn (cotton - it doesn't have much "give"), but I found myself increasingly afflicted with RSIs. Yes, I wore my compression gloves, yes, they helped, and no, I could not break entirely with knitting for a week or so while the digits recuperated, so I indulged in some Truly Mindless Knitting. TMK, although considered the devil's spawn for real knitters, is *wonderful* for novice knitters, like myself, who are challenged by even the most basic of patterns. For my TMK, I chose a yarn I *swore* I would never again knit with,
but it is the most yummy colors of chocolate and teal I just couldn't resist. And knitting it in gauge makes it squishy, mushy, squashy soft. I just want to cuddle up and snuggle with it.

I decided on the easiest of all possible things - a sideways knit striped scarf, completely done in garter. I managed to work in a couple of accent stripes using some oddball leftovers in teal and chocolate brown, and it is turning out beautifully. Since I don't have a digital camera, these came from my phone, and does not do the colors the least bit of justice.

(For those who are considering a Denise Interchangeables purchase, this scarf is 340 stitches long. I'm using 2 Denise cables with the attachment because the long cable is currently in use on yet another project. Other than occasionally helping the stitches over the join, these have been absolutely delightful to work with. Nothing has come off, nothing has snagged and because the weight of the needles is almost NOTHING, the project is much easier on my wrists. NYAA, I'm just sayin'. . .)

I've decided to use this to my advantage - the scarf is going to my niece for xmas, along with a plush bear that will have a matching scarf. The bear was a purchase that (1) raised $$ for California Childrens Cancer Fund and (2) had a matching donation made to a kid in one of four area hospitals. So I get to cross a name off my list *AND* do something to "give back" at the same time!!! Can't beat that!!!

11 November 2005

How Friggin KEWT is This?!?!

This is Su Lin, the new panda cub at the San Diego Zoo . She's finally been named ("A little bit of something very cute")after a contest and 100 days. :)

My family had a pug when I lived in Hawaii named Su Lin.

I don't know if you know pugs. They're only cute when they are puppies.

And sometimes not even then.

10 November 2005

This is more like it.

Archive that Jack madness. I'm the often misunderstood Black Knight, just a hair away from Captain Jack Sparrow! YEAH, BABY!

You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight. As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause.

Batman, the Dark Knight


Captain Jack Sparrow


Neo, the "One"


Lara Croft


The Amazing Spider-Man


El Zorro


William Wallace


Indiana Jones


The Terminator


James Bond, Agent 007




Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with

I'm Mostly Jack?!


Make me Sawyer, or Locke or even Kate(naw, not her!), but JACK?!?!?!! Sanctimonious, emotional train-wreck, self-martyring JACK?!?!?! I think I may puke up my baby carrots.

This test sucks.

Jack. Sheeesh. {{walks off, shaking her head in disgust.}}

You scored as Jack. You're Jack! You're ready to step up and take control of a bad situation. You don't let fear in, and you're naturally a good person.



























Who is your "Lost" alter ego?
created with

09 November 2005

I *am* insane

An excerpt of an email chain I was exchanging with my doctor-BFF today, discussing the refill of a prescription. Please note, grammatical errors and misspellings are *intended*. I need more medication.

"Apropos of nothing, I noticed my [unnamed] prescritshun says "refill until 9/29/2005". Do you think they'll sweat me for a new prescritshun? I just worry b/c sometimes they call and leave a message with your nurse and you never get the message and so I don't get my refill and then I start being overwhelmed by run-on sentences, which of course, drive everyone crazy even if they tend to do the same thing, but its okay for them but not for me because, of course, I have a tendency to hold myself to a higher standard as if that could somehow compensate for my low self esteem, which as you know is directly attributable to my upbringing, which is why I'm on the medication ANYWAY. . ."

To which he responded with some doctor-ly type advice, offering to call in a prescription.

"well, I haven't really decided if I wanted a new prescritshun, although I'm pretty sure the last time you called it in was less than a year ago, that's why it really surprised me to see that particulate date, but I'm trying to decide what pharmacy I want to keep the prescritshun at because it seems we (i.e., JMan) only go to Ralphs expressly for that prescritshun b/c the Vons across the street is just too darned convenient and since I do absolutely none of the food shopping any more and JMan has no compunction against going to Vons (I didn't like it b/c it had too many people buying pork rinds with foodstamps, if ya know what I mean, not that I have anything against pork rinds OR foodstamps, per se, but I figure if your getting foodstamps you should at least be buying something HEALTHY) and they never seemed to stock whatever it was I needed but now they do, but I still am the one to do All the Target shopping and now THEY have a pharmacy, so I was thinking about going there, if only for the groovy-coolo prescritshun bottles they use but I'm not sure if they're very good and I'm pretty sure their hours suck but at least that will give me the impetus to go there more than once a month (not that I need to, but if I did, I would be eating a lot less of the fake cookies that Vons sells b/c those are like, wicked cheaper than the authentic ones, but Target has the real ones at the fake ones' price but they don't always stock them, so if I went more often, I'd have a better chance at getting them and then JMan wouldn't need to go to Vons so much) but I'm not sure if I want to because as I've gotten older, I've noticed that I'm more set in my ways and resistant to change (witness my computer inabilities and incapacity to keep up with what the kids are doing - I aint no hollah back gurl) so it kinda scares me b/c we've been going to that particulate Ralphs since we first moved here and it was some solace when we lived in that crack den on Mansfield, but we're not very far from that in the meth labs of Hayworth (it seems all the old movie stars do not make good streets, b/c Ogden was a very nice street in an extremely nice neighborhood and I really miss that house, and I don't know of any movie star named "ogden" but I have seen "ogden studios" so maybe it was a producer or director or something but that's something I should keep in mind the next time I'm searching for a place to live in los angeles. . ."

Clearly, as I no longer drink neither caffinated soda or coffee, I need more medication.

08 November 2005


One thing I neglected to mention in my recent post about yarn gorging, I did something that skeered me, but I'm getting used to it. I actually purchased SIZE 1 NEEDLES!!! Yup. Those things what can skewer an eyeball. This is what they look like

Kinda frightening, huh? But I gave in b/c a friend knit some fingerless gloves on a size ZERO (I can almost remember being a size zero, in another life), using Koigu, and they were truly lovely. Of course, I can't afford the fancy stuff, but even cotton on 1's is going to look nice. I hope.

I also bought me some of these

Also size 1. B/c ya gotta close the [unnamed object] up somehow, right?

It's a good thing I got rid of most of my tortured angst BEFORE I took up knitting. Because I could have done some real damage with these!

07 November 2005


Tomorrow is election day. Vote early, vote often. No, but really - if you don't exercise your privilege, you have no right to grouse. Go here if you have any questions.

Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing

I was *supposed* to be on a low fiber diet. But, since most of my yarn stash is acrylic, it doesn't count, right? Stitches from the Heart, on Pico, (technically) in Santa Monica. Gawd, I love that place. Not only do they have the basic yarns (and ooodles of scary fru-fru yarns), but they're good people doing good work ( Anyway, I was going to get *WOOL* yarn for the Fuzzy Feet-Along; I also managed to get some beautiful baby cotton for a [unnamed item] for [an unnamed person], some more cotton for some fingerless gloves I hope to make for *me* (but probably will give as a holiday gift to my neice, who is a stellar softbally player at the U of Tennesee - ON SCHOLARSHIP, thankyouverymuch!), some fuzzy chocolate brownie yarn for a beanie, and some yarn that was just too pretty to pass up. No plans for that, but it sho' is pretty. I'd show you a picture, but I'm just too ashamed. Bad, bad monkey mama!!!

04 November 2005

Twin Sons of Different Mothers.

One of those things that makes you go, "Hmmmmmmmmm..."

02 November 2005


Okay, technically I got this by email, but since I'm making new friends and getting to know folks on the blog-o-shpere, I figgered, what better use for an old chain? So here goes:

Welcome to the new edition of getting to know your family and friends. Okay here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun! (I'm looking in someone's direction) Just copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste into a new e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you. This is a cool way to find out more about your peeps, and also have the learn new things about you!

1. What is your full name? Very few folks know the answer to that, and I'm keeping it that way.
2. What color pants are you wearing? Undies? B/c I'm wearing a skirt...
3. What are you listening to right now? My cellmate's fan. And her instructing the new secretary on office procedures. Yawn.
4. What was the last thing you ate? Listerine Cool Mint Breath Strip.
5. Do you have any pets? Jag (dog), Bucket (cat), Spooky (cat), Monkegurl (daughter) and Jman (babydaddy).
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Royal blue.
7. How is the weather right now? Hazy and warm. You can see the air in smell-lay.
8. What character trait do you think people like most about you? Lack of any semblance of normalcy.
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Absolutely.
10. How old are you today? 24. Er, I mean 42.
11. Favorite drink? "Momma juice" - Crystal light strawberry banana with a splash of Sobe orange cream and a jigger of Bombay Sapphire. Yum.
12. Favorite sport? Mindgames.
13. Hair color? Brown and grey.
14. Do you wear contacts? Nope; had Lasik 5 years ago and am still LOVIN IT!
15. Siblings? 3 brothers (that I know of).
16. Favorite month? June, but I think that's just an appendage from school days.
17. Favorite food? Fresh tomatoes and mozzarelly bought from a corner store in Tuscany, enjoyed watching the sunset over the vineyards.
18. What was the last movie you saw? Napolean Dynomite (for the 3rd time). Oh, and a french film - The Eighth Day - definitely check it out if you see it on cable.19. Favorite holiday of the year? All Hallows Eve!!!
20. What do you do to vent anger? Yell, scream, stomp. I'm reverting in my old age.
21. Summer or winter? Summer.
22, Hugs or kis ses? Hugs. Especially sleepy, juicy, sweaty-baby-head Monkeygurl hugs.
23. Chocolate or vanilla? Both?
24. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Sure, why not.
25.Who is most likely to respond? Dawn.
26.Who is least likely to respond? Andrea.
27. When was the last time you cried? Oct. 7th, 2005. Major Momma Meltdown.
28. What is under your bed? Wrapping paper, Monkeysocks, dust bunnies.
29. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Kirkhams 1 and 2.
30. What did you do last night? Homework with the Monkey, Knit, watch House (*love* that show!)
31. What are you afraid of? Something bad happening to the Monkey.
32. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? Neither, it makes me nauseous. But if that wasn't an issue, BUTTERED AND SALTED.
33. Favorite car? 1960's era jaguar.
34. Favorite flower? eidelweiss.
35. Number of keys on your key ring? Home, 6 (only 1 I don't recognize), work, 2.
36. How many years at your recent job? 6 1/2. Gawd.
37. Are you having a nice day? Yes, but it's still early.
38. What brings a smile to your face at this exact moment?
Sorry - the MonkeyGurl. She was soooooo good last nite!
39. What is your astrological sign? Aquarius/Dragon.
40. If you could have your dream job right now what would it be?
Being paid to eat, drink, knit, sleep, and ride my motorcycle.
41. If you could go on a shopping spree to any store which would it
be? Target, of course!!

01 November 2005

I didn't stand a chance. . .

These were my submissions to the YOU KNIT WHAT?!?!?! ( contest. But clearly, I'm not even good enough at being bad.

The first is not so bad. EXCEPT when you realize it's a MOTHER/DAUGHTER set. Urgh. Good thing the giftee has enough sense to NOT wear her sweater when her daughter is wearing hers. I hope.

In any event, I didn't really bother with a pattern for either design (other than the colorwork), which is okay for a kidlet pattern, but what this photo fails to capture is my absolute inability to shape the armpit into anything that covers the band of a bra. Sigh. And hey, MUDFLAP GIRL?! That's gotta be at *least* as bad as a dinosaur!!!

Oh, and the use of safety pins to hold the straps in place? CLASSY.

Again, nothing inherently wrong with this, except the absolute lack of gauge. Not only do I not know what it's supposed to be, but I'm sure it changed at least 12 times in the course of this sweater. My solution? BUY MORE YARN (cheaper than more cowbells, Purl). Hey, works for me.

I thought the tortured, haunted pose only hightens the dramatic impact.

Clearly, The Monkey agrees.