"Nrrrrrrrrrrrrg. GLACK!" I said, frantically waiving my right hand like a drowning man.

"Oh, are you okay?" She asked, completely oblivious. Fortunately, she had the insight to take a break from shoving 2" needles up into my gums.

"Gah-GUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh, do you want some suction?"

No, of course not. I'm completely enjoying the feeling of bitter isopropyl alcohol pooling in my throat. And since you have me at a 45° angle toward the floor, my nasal passages are completely blocked.

When was the last time someone died in the chair at the endodontist's office?

Aw, HOLY HELL

I apologize in advance for and warn of the coarse language used in this post.

THIS is . . . WAS WMG's bus driver.

Christ.

We watched the late news on Saturday nite, something I've been avoiding doing in the attempt to sleep at night, but it was Saturday, and we were going to watch SNL, and... His picture was up, and the Jman made a remark about how he looked like WMG's bus driver, except (the bus driver) has a big, goofy grin. I was knitting, I didn't even look up. We made our wise-ass remarks as a way of dealing with the issue, and forgot about it.

Until this morning.

Bus driver didn't show up yesterday, but we didn't think anything of it. I got a call from the school last nite, but I didn't hear my cell phone ring, so I didn't hear the message. WMG didn't say anything, so there wasn't any buzz around the school. Then, when the Jman got home this morning from dropping off the WMG, he said, "Uh, honey. . ."

I thought, "Oh, shit. This sounds like its gonna cost me money!"

I was totally unprepared for what he had to tell me. So I dealt with it in my usual calm, logical way. I pointed out that it was a domestic dispute and that it had nothing to do with the kids, so there was really nothing for us to worry about. (Like humans are capable of compartmentalizing like that.) That if the guy had no previous record, there was no way of telling he was going to snap, so there was nothing the school district could have done to weed him out. And that there are sharp edges everywhere; we can't expect to cushion everything so the monkey is always safe. Life doesn't work like that.

But inside, I feel like I'm going to hurl at any minute.

The principal said there would be a counselor on campus for the kids if they should need it. I feel I need it. Can I go to campus? No, I have to sit at my desk and focus on bullshit work while my angel is constantly in harm's way.

I've never really cared about living; I'm pretty much on borrowed time, anyway. The way I've lived, I should have been dead 100 times over. But since having the WMG, I know I have to stick around so I can take care of her. If this guy was to have snapped during the week instead of over the weekend, there's no way I could have done anything. Helplessness. Not a feeling I relish.

Don't Bother Me

I'm busy scheduling my prime time viewing. . .

I think I'll like Mondays for once in my life. Computer Emergency!!!
Ooooooooooh, Peter Petrelli, looking might fine after the hiatus. . .
Horatio, I *LIVE* for your one-liners!!!

Tuesdays are always good. Brilliant, yet socially inept? Check. Brilliant, socially inept and incomparably SEXY? Check. Outrageously funny? Check.

Wednesdays might be tricky. Can I stand another handsome brunette rake with amazing power? Hmmmmm... Methinks perhaps.

The thinking person's crime drama. But will it be the same, sans Gideon? ("Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father prepare to die.") Oh, Mandy. How could you leave me this way?!

A sexy redhead. How's that for a change?

Thursdays. . . The
fave. The time waster. The so-sublimely-humorous-I-can't-stand-it!!! The other thinking person's crime drama.

Oops, I mean I'll be here!!

Fridays, time to relax. Partake in some unnatural beauty. Seriously, could she be more beautiful?! Who knew Santa's little elf would turn out like this?! Christ, I was a freshman in HS when he was born. It's SO wrong, but it feels so right!!! Thanks a lot,
L.A.!!
Saturday, you *know* I’m sleeping!!! And it's a good thing, because there is NOTHING on. Maybe I'll pretend to have a life on Saturdays.

Or, maybe I'll just get ready for DEXTER. And Shark. Two different kinds of blood suckers.

I think I just might survive until January 2008.

I Swear, It's The BOOTS!

That's right - I said BOOTS.

It all started with the change in weather. Autumn is here, despite what all non-SoCal folks say about us not having seasons. I had to turn my fan to the lowest setting, it's getting darker earlier, and I've contemplated returning to sweatpants. Despite my reluctance to let go of the summer, I pulled out The Boots.

Now, these are very special Boots. They are not my everyday, wear with mini-skirts or blue jeans, Sketcher platform workboots, scuffed and scratched from wearing every winter day for the last 3 years. These are Sexy Boots. Hot Boots. Boots that I loved so much from the first time I saw them, I bought TWO pairs. Good thing, too, since someone did something that BROKE one of those Boots. Not that I'm complaining. But that's a story for another time and place.

No, these boots have a 4" skinny heel, a large silver buckle, and silver tacking around the edges. I love these Boots. When I put them on, I am magically transformed to a sexy little beasty. And the powers of these Boots reach far beyond me - I first brought them back out on Wednesday. And lo, I received a call from a friend I haven't heard from in months. Just thinking about me. Co-inky-dink? I don't think so.

On the drive home, I was hit upon by some handsome stranger. Not a(n obvious) freak, not a homeless guy, not a guy for whom English is a second (or non-) language. A good looking, well-spoken, reasonably entertaining gentleman. First time I've enjoyed traffic.

I had such a positive day, that I dared wear The Boots again on Thursday. This time, at lunch, when usually NO ONE dares talk to me (even the people that know me!), I was engaged in conversation with a young (too young) man. And I really think that he was hitting on me as well.

Then I went to Back-To-School night at WMG's school. I don't know about you, but we never had teachers that look like this when I was in school.



Seriously. If he looks this good in pictures taken with a cell phone under covert operating procedures with the Jman acting as cover, then you can imagine how good he looks in person. All that and brains too. (No, he didn't hit on me or nuthin; but come parent-teacher conference time, I'm for sure wearing The Boots again!!!)

Today I'm back to jeans and the Sketchers. That's just too much power to take lightly.

Happy Weekend.

The Road to Hell...

Remember that saying? About the good intentions and all?

Well, I've been working really hard on getting back to being sociable, after being a hermit for several months. Don't get me wrong - I *like* being a hermit, but I also recognize that it is important to have social interactions beyond work and immediate family. Other than Wee Monkey Gurl and the Jman, the only other human beings I interact with have been virtual in the last couple of months.

Updating and (ir)regular posting on the blog is a way to force myself back into the swing of things. I love the give and take of the virtual community, and I'm reminded of how supportive and caring the knit community is. Given that, I set a deadline on returning to the WeHo SnB. Even if I don't exchange one word with anyone there, I always feel heartened by the camaraderie and cheer. And everyone knows the best way to accomplish something is to set a firm date.

My date? 06 September 2007.

Ooopsie.

First, there was the excuse of WMG being back home and back in school and last-minute gift finishing. Then, I was sick and it was Rosh Hashanah and. . . some other feeble reason. Now, it's Back-to-School Night, and WMG has her heart set on me being there. THE STARS ARE IN ALIGNMENT AGAINST ME!!!! Seriously. Why does WMG's school HAVE to schedule functions on Thursday nights? When there are SIX OTHER NIGHTS to choose from?

For example, they offer a parenting class periodically. Normally, I wouldn't go for such pseudo-psycho balderdash (I can say that - I got my BS in Psych), but I'm still looking for that "Ah-HAH!" technique with WMG. We all know she's WAAAAAAAAAAAAY more clever than I am, and its only a matter of time before her super powers kick in. Heretofore, the class has been offered at 11am on TUESDAYS. When I say the school is filled with Pilates-lovin', country club founding member, Beverly Hills or Bel Air livin' soccer moms, I ain't kiddin'. DON'T YOU PEOPLE WORK?! Oy.

Finally, this year (WMG's FIFTH), they are offering the class from 7 - 9 pm. Yay. Finally a nod to working stiffs like me.

But guess what night its on?

Yup. Thursday nights.

They suck.

And no, WMG won't even acknowledge me when I get there tonight, but if I had the nerve to NOT SHOW, she would not let me forget it. Sigh.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, again I say "Definitely next week." Hopefully this time I mean it.

Warm Neck

I totally agree - this has been done before (quite nicely, I might add). Free patterns are here and here (plus some really gorgeous shawl pins).

The actual stitch is very similar to this, which is the one scarf I really want to do. Some day. I mean, after all, I already have the yarn...

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.

Really. Too bad the $375 "pidge" is sold out. If I tried to gift one of these, folks would ask, "where's the rest of my scarf?!" Granted, they are pretty, but I just can't see it. Of course, that may explain why I'll never be upper crusty. Even if I had the money.

Random Updates

(fuzzy cell phone pic to prove I was there. For pix much more in focus, go to Ellen's blog, natch.)

By the curious turn of events on Friday/Saturday, I ended up going to see the Harlot on Saturday afternoon, when I *should* have been at the baby shower. Initially, I primarily intended to support my gurl, Ellen, who was doing the introduction (and did a bang up job, I must say!!)

I know Stephanie from her blog, which is, in turn, amusing and insightful and inspiring, and I even thought to enter the Knitting Olympics a couple of years ago (I still haven't finished the sweater that is 7/8ths complete!) Heck, anyone that advocates drunken knitting has got to be okay. But I had no idea that woman is friggin HI-LARIOUS!!! It was like watching funny stand-up for 2 hours (I'm usually not terribly amused at comedy clubs). Something about that Canadian accent. I can't explain it, but I laughed my arse off.

Anyone that can command an audience of several hundred(??) (my powers of estimation are lacking), then spend over an hour afterward signing books, and still come off as gracious and humble, has got to be okay in my book.

Dillon (the baby who wouldn't wait) made his innerweb appearance today.



Whatta doll. You wouldn't know by looking he was a month early!

In case you were wondering, Pico Avenue is the place to find your sukkah.



Sure, they probably don't have power tools, but you want palm fronds?! They got 'em!!!

Also, it's the place for "HI" fashion.



As in: If you think this is fashionable, you must be HI.

The Baby Shower is THIS Weekend?!

Oh, SHITTAKE MUSHROOMS!!! Well, I guess Baby Dillon won't be getting a matching cap or pants, like I'd imagined. But concentrated work got him a little sum-sum finished last nite:


Ohhhhh! How CUTE!!!!!!



A close-up of the sweater



A close up of the elly-fantagos. Pattern found here.

The sweater is just a generic baby sweater pattern. Since Boys don't get the fun, crazy colors or textures Girls do (sorry, all my gender-shouldn't-dictate-color friends; these are very conservative, vanilla friends), I stuck with garter stitch for texture, and used some organic cotton I had in the stash (yay me!) I'm thinking Dillon's Mom can just toss this in the washer and lay flat to dry (the ends are knotted and weaved in). Anyone have an opinion on that?

To make it more unique (how do you catch a special rabbit? U-nique up on it!! How do you catch a trained rabbit? Da TAME way!!!), I made a pair of ellies. When I saw the pattern (thank you, knitting pattern central!!!), I knew I had to make 'em. They are just too danged cute. For the baby elly, I used one strand o' cotton in the sage color, and for the momma, I used one sage, one off-white, and larger needles (prolly about US7s). There was a lot of sewing involved, which I generally don't like (especially under a tight deadline), but at least I got to practice my kitchener. WOOT!!! Eyes are some purple Microspun just embroidered in.

It really is much cuter in person than in poorly-lit cellphone camera, so I think I'm okay. Too bad the shower is out in, like, ENCINO, which to my Valley-challenged mind is the same as Ventura or Ojai. Mapquest says it should take 25 minutes, so maybe an HOUR and a HALF later, I'll be there.

Hmmm... I wonder if that's anywhere near the yarn store in Chatsworth that is having a sale....

Ed. to Add: Just got this in the e-mail. Doesn't it just figure, after I ditched SnB AGAIN, and stayed up late finishing:

NEWS FLASH! NEWS FLASH! D's baby shower is being postponed! I guess little baby Dillon really didn't want to miss the shower so he decided to make his grand entrance this morning! he is 1 month premature but doing great! We'll plan to have the shower sometime in November so baby Dillon can attend too. We'll keep you posted! Thanks and CONGRATULATIONS to D, R and (big sister) L!!!!!

Guess he's getting the cap after all.

What Next?!

I am so sick of construction, I may actually pop a vessel. Seriously. I think the demo started on our office buildings. . . what, maybe 3 or 4 years ago? And they ARE STILL BUILDING. First, they put up the new CAA building, which doesn't look drastically different from the previously-existing building, but I *know* its a whole new building because we had to live through the demo and build-up. [Actually, I almost died during it - a spike came flying off the demo one day when I was out knitting, and narrowly missed my head. For reals. It crashed into the bank glass wall about five feet away and shattered it.] It's like that old Steven Wright joke - The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica... When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with an exact replica." He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?"

I LOVE Steven Wright. I HATE the construction.

First they took away my little plaza where I could sit and knit and read or whatever, and fenced it off. Then they replaced it with a restaurant. Then they took away the restaurant, fenced it off again, and completely tore up the area, so I couldn't even borry the outside tables and chairs. Finally, they opened up a little "park like" area (their description, not mine), which would be okay, but the tables and chairs they have there are cafe-type, with little, tiny feet, which don't work so well with the rolling landscaping. But I *was* getting used to it, when I came out today and was confronted with this.



I tell you, I was seriously close to going postal when I first saw it. But then I noticed that some of the folks that were working on it had on "event staff" shirts.

PHEW. It's only an Emmy Party!!!! Hell, they could have Ryan fricking Seacrest here and I don't mind, as long as it will go away fairly quickly.

Because they still have another good year or two to go to finish rebuilding our lobby, which looks suspiciously similar to the previous lobby. Only different.



Oh, and yesterday's post? It was indeed curling ribbon knit with sharpened pencils (which I think are about US8s). It turned out surprisingly loverly. I'm thinking about doing it again, with beads...

Ed. to Note: CRAP. Looks like there's even MORE CONSTRUCTION lurking in my future. And also? We're "blighted". I've lived in this area for 10 years, and I didn't even know that. With that kind of reputation, you'd think I could get a 2-BR for less than $2k/month!

Does This Look Infected?

Or, Do You Think I Need Professional Help?

Knitters are an odd bunch. Seriously. And I often feel I'm the oddest of them all. Today, for instance.

Due to circumstances not quite being back to normal (whatever THAT is!), I forgot to bring my knitting with me today. Those that know me (even the non-knitters) know that I do not leave the house without some form of knitting. And at "lunch", there are two things I do - I read, and I knit (not necessarily in that order). If I don't do both, I get a little nutso.

If I forget my current reading material, no biggie. I can print something off the i-net (thank you, Al Gore!!!) If I forget to do that, I have been seen reading electric bills or some other printed detritus that has collected in my bag.

But if I forget my knitting. . . Well, we joke about stash enhancement, yarn enablers, and even crack silk haze. But at what point does a hobby become a habit? I think I've passed that by leaps and bounds.





And seriously? It's all I can do to not bring this home and finish it tonite.