Fill My Eyes With That Double Vision

No, this is not yet another post regarding the respective breastessesses of me and my co-horts. I think I mentioned before that Jaggers was going to have a playdate. [If I talk too much about my doggy, does that make me like a certain crazy cat lady? I just can't help it. I love mah gurrls.]

Anyhoo, Miss Lucy came by for a test run last nite. Can you tell the difference? When they're close, you can see huge differences, like Jag outweighs Lucy by about 40 lbs. That's a lot of doggy flesh. Plus, Jag's got a pointier snout, more keen eyes, and a BigDawgBark.

Lucy is as dumb as a box of hammers, but she's a sweet, affectionate thing. The Jman fell so hard for her, he asked if she could sleep with him.

Okay by me.

I think the only one of our household that wasn't terribly pleased was the Bucket, who, when in the house, went completely unnoticed by Miss Lucy. But when he was outside on the porch, she ran after him like the hound dog she is. Too funny.

In other breaking news, Wee MonkeyGurrl *finally* lost the second, upper front toof.


Thank Gott.

I was *this* close to yanking the damned thing myself - it was hanging by a thread for two days. She was spared when it came out all by itself. Fortunately, the grown up toof behind it is already popping out, and the other "big toof" has long since been in, so she doesn't have that pulpy, gum-flesh widow's peak often seen in kids her age. Such an attractive attribute!

So. I've taken your suggestions and have decided to do a bag for Teacher Martha. I started it on Saturday, and designed it so I could use the largest needles possible (10 1/2) without having to felt it (being laundry facility challenged, I don't want my first 'speariment with felting to be my last). It is my goal to have a picture tomorrow and {{crossing fingers}} work on it at SnB on Thursday.

Ucc, I may have to call you on that offer of nearby parking. . .

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

Or, Why I Did Not Make it to Stitch-n-Bitch AGAIN

Christ. I just can't catch a break here. I miss my knitting friends. I *need* to hang out, have a cider, and stitch and bitch.

Last week? It took me an hour and a half to get home from the Monkey's school (where she is attending summer camp). It should take 15 minutes, it usually takes a half hour. By the time I got home, I was sooooo wiped out, I just could not summon the strength to get on the road again, knowing full well I'd have to deal with that particular level of hell on earth, parking at the Farmers' Market.

So this week, planning ahead, I convinced the Jman that he could pick up the weeMonkeyGurl. Considering I take her there and bring her home EVERY FRICKIN DAY, he could do it once. That's what I get for reasoning he could pull his weight. He got in a frickin accident. Sunset, man; it's a beeyotch even when you know the road, but there's some sort of tennis tourney at UCLA attracting all sorts of out-of-towners.

He's fine, his jeep is fine, and the person that hit him has insurance, but DAMN. He was too shook up to pick up the Monkey, so of course, I did. And now he's all whining about his neck and being cranky with ME because I'm trying to get him a new car (the jeep is not safe, reliable nor economical, but it was free).

Just can't get good help these days.

On a knitting note, I want to make something for the Camp Director, who is also the Drama teacher/coach/etc. at wee MonkeyGurrl's camp. Does anyone have any suggestions? I made her a funky scarf last year; I'm thinking something unusual, practical, quick to knit, etc. Lemme know what you think.

I Shall Call You Spocks.

The idea came from this recipe. A summer sock, to be used when getting a pedicure on a cool morning (spa + socks = spocks).

HAH. As if that were possible. I don't think it will ever be cool again. Of course, I remember thinking the same thing around this time last year. But really, folks, this is just ridiculous.

Sorry. Back to the story - The Dster's birthday is coming up, and she's one of those lovely friends who always gushes about *ANYTHING* I make, no matter how ugly or annoying. I love the Dster, even tho she married the Douggles, the love of my life. I just thank the gods it was her and not some bimbo slut I don't get along with. Well, Dster is still a bimbo slut, but at least we get along.

Anyhoo, playing with the lovely MangoMoon Capelli was fun, but the size 1 needles caused my hands to ache. I guess I still have some tension issues I need to address. The First Sock seemed to take FOR EVAH; I was thinking of back-up items in case I didn't finish in time. But I suppose, like anything else, you get used to those teeny, tiny needles, and something magical happens, and the next thing you know, Spocks.

And not just one sock, but two. (please ignore my ghastly appendages; clearly I'm not of the mani/pedi ilk.)

It was quite exciting and actually somewhat depressing when I realized I would be finishing the second one last nite. Depressing because it was 2 am and still eleventy million degrees in the Crappy Little Apt, so sleep was way out of my reach.

Check this out:

I think they call it "turning the heel". It's a very clever use of stitches that makes a curvature in the tube that is the sock. Usually, it would take STEP-BY-STEP, detailed directions for me to accomplish this (I did it unknowingly with the baby Ugh! boots posted on Craftster), but in these particulate directions, they left out a *crucial* step THAT I FIGURED OUT BY MYSELF. I'm so proud I could just plotz.

So. All that's left is darning in the ends and maybe adding some beads, because the Dster is girlie like that. Plus, with all the left over yarn (2 spocks = 2/3 skein), I'm gonna make her a little keychain amigurumi-type thing.

How much you wanna bet this will be the LAST time she raves about my crafting?! (Mwwaahahahahahahahahaha!)

Do I Make You Horneeee?!

Groooooovey, Baby!

Wee MonkeyGurrl was having a little fun at the expense of the much put-upon Jag. Poor thing. As if the weather and the fireworks weren't enough, she had to be photographed wearing a MULLET wig. Oh, the indignity. She's such a good girl!

She's gonna have a house guest!!!! One of my BFF@Ws is going to Hawaii for vacation. Since she'd rather take her 3 children than me, I told her I was stealing her pup - Ms. Lucy, a 65-lb black lab! :) That's about half Jag's size. I'm so excited.

It's so friggin hot, tho; I can't even complain any more. It's all been said. I'm happy to go to work every morning if only for the A/C. If life were fair, I'd be sweating fat off instead of just water. After last weekend, I'd be down to a size 3.

On the knitting front, I completed one spa sock and started the second. No Second Sock Syndrome for me! Actually, the second is going much quicker than the first, but that may be because I kinda have some idea of what the heck I'm doing. I hope to be done and have pix soon.

Oy. Stay cool. Take care of your kids, pets and elderly. Free Winona.

They Call Me Dilbert

GAWD. I haven't seen a comic so on point in a long time. Of course, I haven't had a moment to puruse the funnies in forEVAH, so that may explain things. Yesterday I killed more trees than a body has a right to and I'm sure the eco police will come and get me. "BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!"

Oy. This working for a living SUCKS EGGS.

I'm still amused at the thought of me and Uccellina engaged in a Celebrity Deathmatch-style boob-off. I'll have Laurie Ann be my second (because she's equally boobalicious), and Ms. K can be the judge, since she can't keep her eyes off breasssts anyway.

Sigh.

I wish it would stop being so stinking HOT.

So, there I was at the firestation, having the handcuffs sawed off...

Unfortunately, no. It wasn't *ME* with the errant cuffs. But even MORE amusing, we went to see our friend Rrrrrrrrr whom we had helped move in June. The kids were having a great time playing, while the "adults" chit-chatted and caught up. Little Lau-Lau came out of his sister's room, saying "Mommy. Look what Err (his older sister) found!" (It's amazing what new things we discover after moving, isn't it?!) He held up a pair of handcuffs and a pair of small, silvery keys. Next thing we knew, Lau-Lau had said handcuffs on his wrist. And they were *real* handcuffs. The keys? Silver-painted plastic keys that went with the FAKE handcuffs.

Giggle. Snarf. At least that wasn't MY child with the handcuffs, and lo, those weren't my cuffs, neither. We tried and tried, poked and prodded. But those cuffs were *not* coming off. We had two options - go to the local precinct in hopes they had a key that would work, or go to the firestation in hopes of bolt cutters that would go through the metal. The funniest thing of this whole scenario is that Rrrrrrrrrrr is *very* involved with the civil services - she instructs firefighters. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And those communities can be quite small.

We considered going to a distant neighborhood, but decided that hunger beat out potential embarrassment, and went to the local firehouse. Of course, the "boots" that were out front, cleaning the trucks, were {{snicker}} FORMER STUDENTS of Rrrrrrrrrrr. :) Hee-hee. And yes, once again, the firefighters saved the day (and the arm) by removing said cuffs without further embarrassment to Lau-Lau (he was already mortified by my handiness with the cellphone camera).

En route to the restaurant afterwards, I reiterated to the kids (with a special emphasis to my own wee MonkeyGurrl), that when you get arrested, they police put BOTH hands in cuffs, and purposely make 'em tight. Of course, I only know that from what I see on t.v.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Why I Win Every Argument

I'm not afraid to bring in the big guns.



Me and a bff@w were getting into quite a row regarding which of us Mr. Depp would pick, if he *had* to pick between us. I was showing her my locket, as proof of my undying love for JDepp (yes, that is a picture of Capt. Jack in my locket!) She scoffed at my childish displays and whipped out her camera phone, so as to prove to her SigOth once and for all that there is indeed a (grown?) woman at work who wears a JDepp locket.

So I let her have it [NOTE: I do *NOT* generally have these puppies hanging out around the office.] Or them, as the case may be.

And, like a good soldier, she conceded the battle.

Sometimes I don't play fair.

Have a great weekend!!

Who Loves Johnny D?!

Gawrsh. Not ME! This is my desk at the FatCatLawFirm. And it doesn't even include the article (with map) my boss gave me, or the magazine given to me by an attorney I barely even know!!! The wee plushy was given to me by none other than WeeMonkeyGurrl, who never willingly gives up McD's toys! She was so excited to be able to give this to me!!! And I was equally happy to receive it.

Yes, I have been caught kissing the plushie and have been severely reprimanded. No further inappropriate behavior will transpire (gee, it's hard to type with your fingers crossed!)

LOOKIE WHAT I FOUNDED!


It's the picture of Ms. G on her first day home from the horse-spittal. Looking all chipper and cute in her StrongWoman cap. Amazing. I saw her over the holiday weekend (04 July), and she is as gracious and beatific as ever. She has friggin steel apparati in her (formerly known as) boobs, and she was playing welcoming committee. I want somma whatever she's got that keeps her up and positive.

Speaking of positive influences, Ellen's protoge, Brandi (from Stitches) was playing the role of "Enabler" yesterday. I popped in for a *QUICK* fix after the dental visit. I found some rather sproingy Capelli from Mango Moon. Soft, fluffy and 100% wool-free. *PERFECT* for the Dster's birdday pressie. HOWEVER, since it is laceweight, I had to buy three skeins. However, the price was right, so, cool, cool.

Lacking anything resembling a swift, I had some tv tray tables stand in. I have some very amusing, entertaining pix, but you know how Blooger feels about my pix. I'll add 'em in later, if it lets me. Quite full of fluffy, fibery goodness.






Anyhoo, I wound the 3 strands together. The WMG wanted to help, but her arms gave out after the first 3 or 4 minutes (also, it was interfering with her t.v. viewing). I was so excited about the yarn (which, despite being 68% a-kill-ack!, also contains 4% spandex!!!), I managed to also cast on and knit the ribbing!


So, back to Brandi. Since Stitches is a non-profit, folks donate yarn, some of which they use to make caps, some of which they sell. Since it's donated, it's straight cash that goes toward the administration of the organization. More often than not, it benefits everybody - donator (sense of righteousness, tax write off), purchaser (such a bargain!), and donatee (cash flow). I picked out a bag of loverly Berroco lullaby in what was formerly known as hot pink (magenta). 5 balls for $15. I couldn't beat that with a stick (it retails for $5 - $6/ball). Well, after softening me up with some sparkling conversation about Ellen and how great she is and how we all aspire to be like her, Brandi casually mentioned there was ANOTHER bag of 5 balls. 10 Balls for $30.

NO, I protest, I only came in here for the sock yarn. I *just* spent $80 on yarn I don't particularly like. My stash is eating my children.

She could not be dissuaded. So what if it was all one color? I could make a sweater with matching hat, gloves, scarf, and socks. I could make a mommy/daughter pairing for me and the monkey. I could make a complete layette set for some lucky monkey.

OH, FINE. I'm such a soft touch.

Unfortunately, I need to go back to the dentist TWICE in the next month or so...

Here's the yarn

This is the stuff that is giving me so much trouble. It doesn't *look* harsh, does it? And it is the most beautiful, deep teal color. But after reading your comments, I think Lady L is right; it will be nice for something more substantial (like a pouch or small purse), and will be easier to work with if I perhaps crochet rather than knit.

As for the other colors, tho, I think I may take Ellen's advice and return them. Doing the math, I can spend $25 on 4 balls of yarn I can't stand, or on 1 or 2 balls I *LOVE*. Life's too short to knit with ugly yarn, right?

I have a dentist appointment - stupid crown broke, and it's only a year old!!! Good thing I've had TWO root canals (stay with me - this is relevant). Good thing the dentist office is ACROSS THE STREET from Stitches!!!

Farrah Hair

Look at my beautiful Baby O. Isn't she the most exquisitely gorgeous thing *EVER*?!?!!

Went to Wildfiber in Santa Monica yesterday, to check out the sale. Why is it that all the stuff *I* want is never on sale? Anyway, the store is GORGEOUS. Quite roomy, well-stocked and worth the drive (actually was less of a problem than I anticipated, despite it being a hot sunday afternoon). The people were okay; not as snobby as some, but certainly not the welcoming as the Friendliest LYS of All Time. I ended up getting some 100% cotton to use on toys and such, but the yarn is so danged harsh I HATE IT. But I'm skeered to try and return the stuff. Eh. The problem is, Dr. Doug's new wifee, Dster, has a birthday coming up; I wanted to try a pair of Spun Mag's pedicure socks, but the Dster is *DEATHLY* allergic to wool. So, I figured I'd try cotton, having worked with other brands of cotton in the past that knit up nicely, but this is like knitting with friggin steel wire. OHDEARLAWDINHEAVEN. The only reason I got it was (1) it was on sale; and (b) it was the right color. Let that be a lesson. If something is on sale, there's probably a reason. This stuff makes barbed wire seem like the softest mohair. Is it because its mercerized? Would that make a difference? I washed a swatch (ME!!! SWATCH!!!) in hot water and dishsoap, hoping that might soften it up. No such luck. This stuff will make a brilliant bbq grill scrubber. And the worst part is, because I really liked the colors and sheen (Ohhh!! Pretty shiny things!!!), I bought SIX balls. Oy vey.

So, I'm thinking, maybe not this particular brand of cotton. I hate to go and spend more money, but I'm just not liking the "drape" (or lack thereof) of this yarn. Not even for the toys. :( Maybe a nice linen. . . (since it wasn't on sale, anyway).

I did, however, also pick up a lovely angora/silk blend, just for my pleasure.

HIII!!!! I'M BACK!!!!

And I had a very *lovely* vacation, thankyouverymuch. The first half was spent in LA, doing boring stuff (dentist, helping a friend move, etc.), but I spent FIVE glorious days in San Diego, and I really enjoyed myself. This despite two of the worst things I could ever imagine happening, happening. The first, Dr. Doug, my best friend, my ex beau, and really the love of my life, got married. Last minute, in order to (according to him) take advantage of some tax savings when selling his house. Such a romantic. I'm not happy about it, but I'm also not as devestated as I thought I would be. Yay me!

Second, Frankie, the dog rescued by first the Jman and by Dr. Doug (who was persuaded to adopt her by a relentless campaign waged by me and 'Dre, the dog rescuer), who's only purpose is to live a life of leisure in the relatively posh trappings of an upper-middle class lifestyle, decided to take yet another leap from the second story window. THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME SHE'S DONE THIS. Perhaps he's not such a prize after all. Anyway, this time she broke both her front paws. And, since he was off in LV getting marred (intentional misspelling), I was left to deal with the chaos that ensued. Lovely.

However, I did manage to spend 5 days with the Wee Monkey Gurl and actually enjoy her. Its amazing how much more fun she is when we're not both completely stressed out. I found I ate less, drank (alcohol) less, smoked less, was more active, and could actually sleep most nites. Quite lovely. I also didn't wear make-up, *any* jewelry (including a watch!), a bra or real shoes for a week. It was very liberating. Since previous time off of work consisted of moving households or achieving some goal, this is the first time I could just CHILL.

I LIKEE THAT. This, *vacation* thing you speak of. Quite nice. I'll have to do it more often!

I found I also didn't knit as much as usually. Perhaps it was for the lack of stress on my part, or b/c its kinda hard to knit whilst swimming with monkeyz. But the same was true in the evenings; perhaps it was from reverting to de eye-lan vibe, mon. I dunno.

But I did manage to finish a few (ma)lingering items.

The first is for an attorney here at FatCatLawFirm, who is adopting a 3 year old boy. We were talking about it, and it just seems patently unfair that adoptee parents don't always get the baby shower and the extra attention that pregnancy parents do. So I thought, what would a three year old want? It's not like a newborn, that has to put on whatever the parents choose. And it's not like a girl, who would love frilly sweaters or dresses. So what to make, what to make. . .

TOYS. More specifically, BOYS' TOYS (to be gender specific and completely politically incorrect. A firefighter (that started off here, but I had to change him quite a bit. Now he looks sorta like an elvis impersonator/gorton's fisherman/firefighter, but I *really* like the way his helmut came out),




a police officer (based on the same pattern, but with obvious changes; I just winged it on the hat),

and an amorphos purple animal-esque thing, personalized with his first initial, since, obviously, he already has a name!!!



I also completed a robot-esque dooby of my own design. It's really cute and will probably be gifted to some lucky tyke (younger than R-boy, I think). You'd like it if you could see it. And I'm using up some left over (really EXPENSIVE) silk from the chemo cap (which I *also* have pictures of, but Blogger. . . well, you know) for a jewelry bag - FOR ME. It was an anti-prayer knit - with each stitch, knowing Dr. Doug was in LV, I chanted (in my head), "Don't Do It, Doug!", but it didn't work. Maybe I should have completed it before the witching hour. Oh, well. (yay vacation)

Now they're beating me to a pulp at the FCLF. That's what I get for taking a vacation. :) But, it was *so* worth it. Unfortunately, that means I won't be catching up on my blog surfing any time soon. . .

edited to add pix of the boy's boyz