HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Really. I wish the best for all of us. See ya in 2006.
*SMOOTCHES!!!*

Caveat Emptor

And another thing, DON'T BUY FROM RED ENVELOPE.

Really. Y'all know the trouble I had finding something appropriate for my boss. Well, I finally decided on something and ordered in what should have been PLENTY of time to take receipt by the holidays. Guess what? Holidays are well over, and I had NOTHING on Friday. Fortunately, there's a gift shop in our building and I was able to quickly purchase and wrap a few holiday goodies. But I still felt like such a heel, b/c he always gifts the greatest stuff.

I sent the company the following email (as well as cc'd all my friends), and if you have any questions, let me know. I'd be more than happy to expound. . .


"I must say I'm very disappointed with your service. I placed my "Christmas" order on Dec. 16, plenty of time to get it out to me before the holiday. I paid extra for expedited delivery. Because it showed as "waiting to be shipped" on the package tracking, I spoke with Customer Service on the 19th, who assured me I would have my package before the holiday, that there was some "snafu at the warehouse", and that the package would be expedited to ensure timely delivery. I now see from the package tracking that it will not be delivered until the 27th, at the earliest. Just horrible, for many reasons. Now I have nothing to give to my boss, but I could have gotten something last night, had I known. I've always liked your stock and have ordered (and requested) items from you before, but this is just awful and I am terribly disappointed. Your inability to respond as necessary to the expected holiday rush has led me to vow that I will NEVER again place an order with your company, and I will warn all my friends and family to do the same. I can't tell you how disappointed I am. An organization that touts itself as superlative among the many companies that place online orders should be expected to do much better."

They have great stuff, but DAMN, I'm MAD!!!!

In response, one of my best friends told me she had a similar experience - "same thing happened to me. they said it was sent. lost my order. and never notified me. I was quite embarassed when I found out months later that they never got anything. i refuse to order from them ever again."

Sad. Guess I have to do all my shopping at MalWart.

Monkeys are the new Kitties

Or so I've been told by the cognesceti, literati and fashionistas. Hey, all I know is I LIKE MONKEYZ!!!!!

Oh, my gawrsh. I am SO glad this weekend is over. Granted, I did not have to deal with a difficult break up or withstand a holiday car crash, but BOYEEEEEEEE, with the driving that I did (in both amount and quality), I think it is sheer karma that kept me from doing so.

In a vain attempt to complete holiday tasks, we decided at the last minute to spend Friday nite at home. I thought I would get all my knitting projects finished, wrap the rest of the gifts, and get some good sleep that I'd been lacking from the crazy week. "HAH-HAH" said the gods of anti-procrastination. "We'll show you!!!" I was *so* exhausted, I went upstairs for a "quick nap" before tackling the left over projects. When I woke up at 8:00 THE NEXT MORNING, I realized this wouldn't be the case. The Jman should have known better and woken me up; the Monkey most often doesn't know better and wakes me up, but this one time, the two colluded in making my life more manic. So, to wrapping I go!!!

THREE HOURS LATER, I have just enough time to shower, pack, and hit the road. OHMYGAWD. I hate when the holiday travelers come out. They don't know how to drive. They don't know where they are going. And there are so gdamned many of them!!! What should have been two hours was three, and with a whooooooooooole lot more aggravation than was really necessary. 140 miles to "Paradise Hills", a/k/a, southeast San Diego, where we had a lovely visit with one of my best friends and her hubband. And vigorously sampled her made-from-scratch, puerto rican recipe, rum-based egg nog (heavy on the nog!!!)

Then, after ingeniously waiting for the sun to set, we went 45 miles UP A FRIGGIN MOUNTAIN to lovely downtown Ramona. This is horse (and llama!) country, folks. Not that I have anything against the critters, but street lights?! Good luck! We had about 5 miles of rutted dirt road to get up to the in-laws. . .

We had committed to spending the night, which I didn't really mind because we pretty much get along, but that was before I realized their new house has no interior doors! Want some privacy?! Forget it! Having IBS symptoms? Share it with the fam-bam!!! Wanna take a shower? Well, okay, but we don't recommend it because we get our water from a well and its in short supply!!! Not to mention there was drywall to be hung, tiles to be laid, and pipes to be connected. Again, I'm all for doing-it-yourself, but after 4 years, there comes a time when you have to suck it up and call in a contractor. Really. That time has passed.

And then the food. Lovely, really. Turkey AND ham AND sweet potatoes (with marshmallows!), green-bean casserole (!!!), boiled, sad, lifeless broccoli, asparagus and brussel sprouts ("Michael loves his green veggies" - BABY, those veggies have no green left!)!!! Thankfully, there was plain, steamed white rice. At least I got to rest my bowels a bit.

After about 3 hours (total) sleep, 40 miles BACK DOWN THE MOUNTAIN to yet another holiday gathering. More turkey, more stuffing, more sweet potatoes (with marshmallows!!), "ambrosia" salad (more marshmallows!!) and yes, the ever-present green bean cassarole. Oy.

Then, WESTWARD we went. Thankfully, this was at Casa de Levey, so I didn't have to be on my best behavior. And this time, we celebrated the birth of the lord with the customary matzo brei with some brisket, slaw and rye bread. Oh, and don't forget the pickles!!!! Unfortunately, since my usual suite was being occupied by a far more important guest (okay, so he's Douggles' bro, but STILL!), I got to sleep on the floor with the dogs. Lovely.

Up early in the a.m. (for me, anyway), and off to .Rancho Santa Fe. I don't know if you know, but the sun *always* shines in RSF - where the median home price is at least $2M. Except for yesterday, when we were traversing the serpentine roads to Andrea's house. Oy. Curvaceous AND slick, that how I like my roads to be. Especially when they are in (AGAIN!) horse country. But at least this time, it is upper crusty horse country, and we were blessed with interior doors.

Sigh.

At least the 120 miles back to LA was uneventful. I never thought I'd be so happy to see my SLA with my snotty cat and the hum of telephone wires buzzing through the nite.

Yay For Us

Okay, normally I don't discuss politics (mostly because my closest friends run the gamut from fascist conservatives to bleeding heart liberals), but today's district court decision that teaching what is essentially creationism in a public school science class is untenable restores my faith in our society. It seems that we are so often polarized by political, religious or cultural differences that there is no hope for homogeneity. Regardless of whether one believes in Intelligent Design or Evolution (which are *not* mutually exclusive), a thinking mind can't help but admit such arguments do not belong in the classroom. Otherwise, we'd have to give equal time to the flying spaghetti monster, with which I would be amenable, but then where does it end?! I'm sure I won't make any friends with this post, but I felt strong enough about it to commit it to writing.

So when the NSA arrests me for activities unbecoming an American citizen, you'll have to remind them that I supported Judge Jones' desicision, despite him being a Bush appointee.

Mah Gurl Don' Play!

Okay. I've resisted posting this b/c the quality is so schmaltzy (again with the cell phone camera), but I can't figure out how to post a pdf file, and I don't have access to a scanner that'll do it jpg. If that changes, I'll update this post. BUT I MUST SHARE.

Whose child is this?!



Allow me to interpret:

minyMoll = a mini mall. Really. Does she want one with a 7-11 and take-out sushi?!
my Ponny = a pony, which I understand is standard 7 y/o fare, but we live in an SLA (shitty little apartment), and already have a dog as big as a horse.
catencanbymake = cotton candy maker. Not the toy kind. The kind they have at fairs.
PollyPockit = a small doll; okay, that's do-able.
Privet are pane = A PRIVATE AIR PLANE. Really.
Barbie = natch
Manchin = MANSION. Hellooooooooooooooooooooo?!?! I guess that's how we'll be able to fit the rest of the list in our house!
Gameboy, SP gameboy - I have no doubt she stole these from someone else's list b/c the spelling is too accurate.
geucoosy = in 7 y/o speak, this is "JACUZZI".
big scream t.v. Does this really need any interpreting?!
move the udr = MOVIE THEATER. A real one. In her friggin house.
Snowcone maker, candy maker - again, ideas stolen from someone else, but I am certain she means the full-sized willy-wonka-esque versions.
intendogeameumd = you got me. I *think* its Nintendo, but what do I know?!

And finally, a "big sister that is 8". Bless her heart. But she aint got no big sister. . . that I know of.

Now you have to understand, I shop at Walmart and Target. I can't help but brag about what a great deal I got on this or that. I will NOT buy anything at full price. And I *thought* I was conveying these practices to my daughter. The one that wants a mansion. Huh. Go figure. Guess she figured out a way to rebel against me after all.

Kids are friggin kewt

Dat's allz Ah gotta say.

Quick Update

Okay, I'm not the techno wiz that Miz Kendra is, so don't be expecting a movie or anything, but I have a few things I wanted to share.

First, our Firm "Holiday Party" was last Friday. I am *so* proud of myself because (1) I did not drink "too" much; (b) I did nothing to embarrass myself; and (iii)despite my lack of effort, I didn't look too bad. We're not gonna mention the 25 lbs I need to drop, but, OUTSIDE of that. . .

(I'm the one on the right.)

Second, Baby O has some pictures to share. ONE YEAR OLD. I can't believe it. I swear there's a place at Guinness for her. BTW, the tank is a little thing I knitted "off the cuff" for her. :) Just showin' off.





Third, . . . . Oh. There is no third. How 'bout I've hit the annual holiday insomnia attack? That's always fun. I start getting all spazzed about how little I have done and this is the last week of school for the Monkey, so I have to get her teachers' their gifts in addition to figuring out what to get Boss Man for Chrismahanukwanzaa, and making sure I cover ALL the in-laws and friends. Aurgh. And of course, I have no fewer than 5 intended gifts on the needles that will NOT be finished in time, and I can't get even ONE done b/c I stress over the others I'm not working on and everyone lives so far away anyway, and I should have had them done by turkey day so I could get them in the post and GAWDFORBID I should ever send out a holiday card.

Oy.

I need HELP!

With holiday presents, of course. I can't think of what to get my favorite boss. And it has to be something good (because he's my favorite!) and it can't be a gift card or something like that (because he's loaded).



What does one get a literate, cultured, sophisticated, reasonably well-off man?! LIKE *I* SHOULD KNOW?!?! Other than my doe-eyed admiration of him, we've got NOTHING in common. Aurgh. Aurgh. All serious suggestions welcome.

Oh, and nothing knitted. Last year I made a most excellent waffle-weave scarf and double-knit cap in requisite grey and black, and although he was very gracious (as is his nature), he was, shall we say, a little less than enthusiastic (although his wife and daughters all appreciated the quality and effort that went into the gift).

I got nuttin'

Nuttin' to report. :( EXCEPT, last nite, I finished the knitting of Haiku. It looks really cute. Alls I need to do now is piece it together and add the embellishments that mark it as a real MonkeyGurlKnits (i.e., make it ridiculously obnoxious) and it'll be good to go. Hopefully, I'll have pictures soon.

THERE WERE MIDGETS!

Okay, I realize (kinda) that "midget" is not an appropriate word, they are "little people" or "dwarves" or whatever. But this was not an appropriate situation. And the twisted little pervert deep inside of me was uproariously amused by the audacity of the building management to engage in such a travesty. I mean, you have twin towers, each filled with hundreds of White Men In Suits, Fat Cat Lawfirms, securities firms, investment firms and government offices. And you have fricken MIDGETS dancing on tables, handing out cupcakes!! They may as well had strippers on poles or African-American men in shackles and chains. They were totally and completely objectifying these people based on their stature!!! And they were making them dress as elves, to boot!!!

I decided that since there is absolutely NOTHING I can do that would be more inappropriate than that, I will, after all, go to our company "Holiday Party".

I apologize for the lack of clarity of the pix. I was using my cell phone, and trying to NOT be obvious. But I think they knew. . . Here are the wee ones:







And for some unknown reason, they thought a COW would be a festive touch.



On a less potentially offensive note, I *finally* went to the WeHo SnB. Everyone was as fantastic as they said they'd be. Very friendly, very welcoming. And it was good to have people with shared interests. The most interesting thing was, everyone I spoke with had some major personality-defining characteristic in common with me, and yet had some equally major personality-defining characteristic in opposition with me! It was very cool, because not only could I identify with each person, I could also learn from each person. And perhaps even contribute. Verrrrah kewel.

And the best part was, Purl was somehow magically separated from her heretofore ever-present camerererera, so I didn't have to conveniently disappear if she whipped it out!!! I'm sure that now our encounter has passed, the camererererera will reappear. Check in the fridge, Purl.

I Just Heard

Every year they have a tenant "holiday party" in the plaza outside the building where I work. Every year, I avoid it like the plague because it usually features "deserts" that are heavy on the fat/sugar but light on the taste. HOWEVER, I *just* heard from a co-worker they have MIDGETS dressed as ELVES STANDING ON THE TABLES!!!! HAHAHAHAHA. And I thought *I* was the most politically incorrect yahoo around. I'm gonna run out and see if I can't get a pic on my cell phone. Too frickin funny.

Quick Post

Man, my camera sucks. It's an old-fashioned (!!!) APS film type. I have a digital, but I haven't figgered out how to download pix yet. Anyway, I just got these pix back (of course, I hung on to the film for 3 months before sending it in!)

This is a re-do of the mud flap gurl previously done in pink and black. I had this whole complex idea of longer straps that could be criss-crossed or worn straight, but the end result was horrific enough to submit to you knit what?!'s fuh-fuh-FUGLY contest. So I frogged the top, and redid it with shorter, more functional straps and some wicked kewl buttons. Turned out pretty cute.
(Front)

(and back)

This is a sweater that was a WIP for about 2 years. Seriously. I started it for one of my best friends, the Smellster, finished all the pieces parts, then put it on the back burner near the xmas season. The next year, a stray hair up my arse caused me to cobble the pieces together, but then it was cast aside when I was distracted, no doubt, by some bright shiny object. I finally finished it just last month, and I was able to gift it to the recipient at her husband's 40th birthday celebration. I am so inappropriate on so many levels even I am amazed. But even after all that time, Smellster was so happy to get her sweater, all warm and cushy and even in one (of two) of her favorite colors. I was considering doing a contrasting trim in red (her other favorite color) funfur, but that was too fugly for even me to seriously contemplate.


Well, I gotta go to the WeHo SnB tonite. Too many kind-hearted souls have given me toys for the Afgan tots for me to flake this time. I sure hope these crazy knitters are as nice as they say they are. :) Purl, Miss K, and Crazy Ellen